Helping you find your self-worth when there are so many other things in the world telling you what you are worth.

Day 1: Self-worth

Self-worth is defined as “the sense of one’s own value or worth as a person.” What is your self-worth? From a human’s perspective, this can be a wavering answer, but from God’s perspective you are a holy temple. If we base our value on a person’s approval, or on what media says it is, we won’t have a consistent feeling of worthiness because people’s emotions and opinions are constantly changing. However, there is one who is always consistent and unmovable, and that is God.

“Indeed, the hairs of your head are all counted. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.” -Luke 12:7 (CSB)

Pause to think: On a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest sense of self-worth, and 1 being the lowest, where would you rate yourself? Would you want it to be higher? What are your plans for that?

Prayer: God, allow me to see your power. Help me see myself through your eyes. Let me lean on your understanding and not the world’s understanding.

Day 2: Recognizing “of the world”

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.” – 1 John 2:15 (KJV)

Recognize the types of things kids and teens are measuring themselves to: social media, number of likes, friends, money, status, type of clothes, popularity, looks, and so on. Do you see anything these have in common? They are worldly expectations and people are comparing themselves and competing with others. I’m not saying that these things are all bad, but it’s the reasons behind it that determine if it’s worldly or not.

For example, are you spending most of your money on clothes and makeup just to prove that you’re the most stylish, or are you making yourself look presentable when meeting people so you can come across as being knowledgeable and trustworthy?

Are you popular because of your character or are you known for making the most irrational decisions? Do you care more about what people think or what God thinks?

Pause to think: How many of your actions are driven by the world and how many are God driven? If it’s more worldly-driven, then maybe you should examine the motives in your life.

Prayer: Lord, help me see what is in your will and not my will, nor the world’s will. Give me wisdom to be able to decipher the good from the evil.

Day 3: Who are you?

A lot of times, as a therapist, I find that a person’s self-worth is hard to determine when he or she is struggling in knowing who they are. When they think about it, they aren’t sure who they are. They have been living with how people expect them to act or what they think people expect of them, which makes it even more confusing as to who they truly believe they are.

A good place to start is who God says you are in His family.

“See what great love the Father has given us that we should be called God’s children – and we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it didn’t know him.” – 1 John 3:1 (CSB)

Pause to think: Who does God say you are and for what purpose? What are your strengths about yourself that you really like? What are some things that you would like to improve about yourself?

Prayer: Lord, help us see who we are in the way that you made us. Help us to see our purpose in life, and how we can share our gifts for the good of this world.

Day 4: Self doubt

Doubt is the opposite of faith. It keeps you from achieving your purposes in life, and it keeps you from God’s guidance. If you don’t believe in yourself, then who will? Start putting into action who you want to believe you are.

Your words and actions can reflect who you are or who you are trying to be. Therefore, if you want to be a more positive person, then speak positive things. Words are very powerful and can start reflecting the heart. Also, do something positive, and try to make it a habit.

Pause to think: How can you keep positivity and gratitude in your life? Can you write it down in a journal on a daily basis, or put something you’re grateful for in a “positive jar”?

Prayer: Lord, help us find strength in You. Help us to leave our doubts and worries behind us. Let us bring ourselves openly to you, so that you may guide us towards your purpose.

Day 5: Taking care of the self, physically

A part of gaining self-worth is taking care of yourself physically. How about starting with making sure you are eating the right way? Maybe you’re not eating enough healthy foods, or maybe you’re eating too much junk food. What about sleep? Are you going to bed a decent time and waking up with enough energy to be productive? Starting with just the basics can make a big difference.

“Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body.” – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (CSB).

Pause to think: What can you do to help your physical health?

Prayer: Lord, guide me to take care of my body as a temple. This body is a gift from you and I need to honor this gift.

Day 6: Taking care of the self, mentally

The mind has a lot going on inside, doesn’t it? It can be so strong, yet so weak at times. The mind can be a very dark place because of insecurities, guilt, shame, or whatever the reason may be. It’s healthy to be able to share your thoughts and to make sense of them out loud with someone you trust or with a professional therapist. Therefore, you can decipher what are rational and irrational thoughts, and what you are able to control out of the situation.

“So I take pleasure in the weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and in difficulties, for the sake of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:10 (CSB)

Pause to think: What’s going on in your mind? What could be bothering you that is affecting your daily life? This may be a very direct answer, or this can be a very long answer that may take time to find out.

Prayer: Lord, allow me to own up to my weaknesses, so that you may work in my life. Put strength and perseverance in me, so that I will not give up, no matter how hard it gets.

Day 7: Taking care of the self, spiritually

As believers, this is a must! I’ve seen it in my own life, and as a therapist in a lot of individuals and couples. The strength of God working in a person’s life is the best power against the enemy. We are already broken people, so we cannot completely rely on ourselves or others. I’ll take any help I can get, so why not lean on God? The spirit can be stronger than the flesh, but it’s a journey getting there.

“But the person without the Spirit does not receive what comes from God’s Spirit, because it is foolishness to him; he is not able to understand it since it is evaluated spiritually.” – 1 Corinthians 2:14 (CSB)

Pause to think: How am I getting closer to God? Am I taking the actions to build an intimate relationship with Him?

Prayer: Lord, guide me towards you. Be my flashlight in the dark, so that I may find you and dwell in your presence. Let me feel comfort in you.

Everyone hanging in there during 2020?

About 5 months into quarantine and social distancing, it seems like we should all be going bonkers by now, right?

Maybe, but maybe not.

Hopefully, it’s a time that’s pushing your “creative side” to come up with something fun and new to do, like a safe “getaway”, appreciating each other, trying new recipes, conducting kid friendly science experiments, memorizing scripture, organizing your rooms and getting rid of things.

Despite the uncertainties in the world, I have seen people being more generous, more helpful to neighbors, schools and people giving a generous amount of food, more praying, people keeping in touch with one another more than ever (via phone calls, social media, drive-by celebrations, video call), more excited about car rides, occasional take out, and of course, getting packages delivered .

Here are some historical reminders of people who went through a trying time:

• Anne Frank hid in an attic for 761 days.
• Jesus fasted in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights.
• Joseph was sold as a slave by his own brothers as a young man and waited to see them again when he was royalty, in which there was 7 years of famine.
• Noah and his family were on the ark for 360-370 days.

There are so many more significant events that I didn’t mention. If you can think of anymore examples, please feel free to add to the post.

Staying positive in all this mess

Sometimes it’s hard to stay positive when the world is so negative, and maybe even with all the different characters in your own household. It’s true, we’re human, and our surroundings can affect us.

However, what we can control is our perspective.

t’s almost like forcing yourself to come up with something positive about a situation or circumstance. When my kids get into their “super energy mode”, I give thanks that I know exactly where they are and that they are healthy kids that are capable of that much energy. When I get frustrated about having to repeat myself or not feeling heard, I have to force myself to think of all the times that the person contributes without having to be asked.

Whether it’s someone or something in your life or in the world, here are some of my favorite verses to keep me going:

• “Taste and see the Lord is good. How happy is the person who takes refuge in him.” -Psalms 34:8
• “The Lord is good, a stronghold in a day of distress; he cares for those who take refuge in him.” -Nahum 1:7
• “Therefore, we do not give up. Even though our outer person is being destroyed, our inner person is being renewed day by day.” -2 Corinthians 4:16
• “Even when I go through the darkest valley, I fear no danger, for you are with me; your rod and your staff – they comfort me.” -Psalms 23:4
• “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” -2 Corinthians 1:3-4
• “Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable – if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praise worthy – dwell on these things.” -Philippians 4:8
• For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound judgment.” -2 Timothy 1:7

Are you and your child ready for another round of online school?

Well, whatever your circumstance is, it seems that online school is the option nowadays. I’m sure everyone has their own way of preparing for the start of school, but here’s just some things that me and my husband are doing to prepare:

• Get back into a regular routine of sleep! (That’s for kids and parents). I sleep.
• Try your best to answer any questions your kids may have. Honestly, parents probably have more questions than kids right now about how things are going to proceed, so stay up to date with your district
• Make a space for your kids that’s a friendly learning environment. (Fewer distractions, the right type of equipment recommended by staff, organizing school supplies).
• What motivates your kids? Maybe a treasure box with squishy toys, stickers, slap bracelets, or “school bucks.” (At least that’s what keeps my 2 younger boys motivated. Maybe yours is different, but find out!)
• Establish consequences clearly with your child ahead of time if they are not willing to put effort into school. (I still need to do this ).
• Routine. Routine. Routine. Eventually, they should get back into the swing of things, and so will we as caretakers or whoever will be in charge of your child. *Positive affirmation.
• Keep it fun during “fun time” or during recess. Maybe sports options, a hula hoop contest, playing basketball, painting, and so on.

In conclusion, try not to over-stress. Take it one day at a day. We’re all in this together.

No matter how old your child is, you should attempt to let them know that you love them on a regular basis, both verbally (saying “I love you” and “How was your math test?”) and physically (hugging them, a touch on the hand, eye contact). The younger you start the affection, the better.

Things you can do to help your child feel “Loved”:

• Tell them you love them (and mean it! Try to look into their eyes when you say it).
• Hug them (if they feel comfortable).
• Let them know that they’re valued. (Compliment them on their positive contributions with REAL examples, and let them know they are unique and created for a valuable purpose).
• Take the time to listen to them, without being quick to judge (This can be during mealtime, taking a walk, sitting down on the couch, playing a board game, putting the dishes away).
• Spend time with them. We can always tell ourselves that there’s not much time to spare, but just like a doctor’s appointment or work meeting, we can schedule time for our kids also, or find time in between just to check in.
• Of course the saying goes “Actions speak louder than words”, so the real test is during times that are challenging, you know, when you’re at your wits end. It seems like we have those days on a daily basis, doesn’t it?

When someone is pushing you to the edge, do you respond with grace, or our natural human instinct of explosion? This is definitely a hard thing to master, and does take practice. (A lot of it!) Showing self-control and grace is also ways to show your love.

If you do feel like you didn’t handle things the best way, give yourself grace as well because you are also human, and the next best thing is to take a breath and try again.

Sometimes it’s the small things that we miss, so give your child a chance to be able to connect with you in a healthy way. Help them gain the ability to form healthy relationships with others.

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” -Ephesians 4:2-

Do you ever feel like your children are spoiled? In other words, privileged, but not grateful?

I could honestly say that even as parents, sometimes we may be privileged and take it for granted, as well.

Questions to reflect on regarding your child’s gratefulness:

• Do your kids not have a concept on how much things cost, and think it’s okay to buy things because we “have the money?”
• Would they rather have junk food, instead of a delicious and healthy meal that you made for them?
• Are their toys just never enough?
• Does complaining become a regular thing?

If so, here are some tips to overcome that:

• Try to get them to volunteer with kid-friendly activities, such as visiting an assisted living home, have them draw cards for children in hospitals, help drop off foods at the food bank.
• Explain the difference between needs and wants and practice it with them on a regular basis.
• Tell them stories about other parts of the country and the world, where people do not have as much and live differently. It could also help to show them pictures of how others live and survive.
• Talk regularly as a family for what you are thankful for (during dinner time, on the weekends, or right before bed).

This is good for kids, especially at a pre-teenage. Give him/her an “allowance” at the beginning of the week, using fake money that you can find at a dollar store. This includes giving them a set amount each week, in exchange for completing whatever chore they are responsible for the week/day, and to post a price list of things on the refrigerator or any place they can easily see. For example

• $5 for 10 minutes of ipad play time.
• $2 for extra snacks
• $1 for juice and other flavored drinks
• 3 meals a day (breakfast, lunch, dinner) = Free
• Water = Free

This shows them how much things cost, such as food and electricity, and how fast their money can disappear if they are not aware of their spending. Note: Make sure you’re not overly giving them the “fake money”, so that they can learn to budget and spend their money wisely as well.

These are all easier said than done, but it will most likely have a positive influence on them in terms of being more appreciative for the present and the future.

That’s how I can describe my middle child – strong-willed. It seems that no matter how patient I am, how many options I give him, how many times I count to three, or how many threats of taking something away, he will stand his ground. I needed to understand that a part of it may be environmental, but another part of it is how he was created. So what can we do with a strong-willed child? Or better put, what can we do for a strong-willed child?

It begins with examining ourselves. Am I angry because of outside factors, such as fatigue, embarrassment, feeling weak? Am I showing unconditional love even though they are acting in the moment in a very unlovable way? I say “moment” because when my son is in his “normal mood”, which is majority of the time, he is the most smiley, playful, interactional child. Unconditional love is when you love your child during good times and bad times. Show them you love them by trying to communicate at their level, in a calm manner, trying to understand the situation and seeing their perspective, while explaining your own perspective, giving them a hug or hold their hand.

Asking more questions and letting them brainstorm a solution, than constantly giving demands is a good idea. Examples:

Good resources I’ve found:

• Discipline that connects with your child’s heart by Jim and Lynne Jackson
• Pitchin’ a fit by Israel and Brook Wayne

What typical kid isn’t excited about summer, and what parent isn’t anticipating how their child with ADHD is going to transition back into a routine schedule? As parents and guardians, you are your child’s biggest advocate! Sure, let them experience “summer fun” and “relaxing from the every day”, like playdates, swimming, summer camps, but don’t allow them to lose all that they have gained in the past year.

• Review what they’ve already learned. For instance, my 2^nd grader has mastered addition, subtraction, and is on his way to mastering multiplication. You can review addition and subtraction, and go over multiplication flash cards or bookmarks that I found on www.3dinosaurs.com. (A really good source for printables).
• Read a short book or a chapter and write a summary.  Going to a book store or a library are great ways for your child to get engaged in something that interests him or her. Breaking it into chapters and taking notes in between, as opposed to an entire book should help an inattentive child stay on task.
• Representing time externally can help a child with ADHD stay on task as well. Children with ADHD are less capable of using their sense of time to manage their current behavior and get work done in time, over time, and on time (Barkley, 2016). You can buy a sand timer online, or use a kitchen timer.
• Bond with your child during the summer. This means getting to know him or her better. For example, my son enjoys cooking and watching the Food Network, so I took out my old camcorder one time and taped him as if he was on a cooking show, and he loved it. I notice that when he is really interested in something, especially productive, he is calm, stress-free, and motivated. That is the type of feeling that I hope will transfer during times of school tasks. Learn something new about your child.

How to get school Accommodations for a struggling child

Do you have a child who is struggling in school? You are your child’s guide and cheerleader, in order to help him or her reach full potential. So how do you get the school on your team?

• Keep in contact with your son’s teacher. Ask your child’s teacher how they prefer to be contacted. Then, you can ask if the teacher notices anything about your child that could be tested or improved.
• Make sure it’s nothing physical. Get him or her tested for hearing, vision, and an overall physical examination.
• Make contact with the school counselor and psychologist. They are usually very helpful in trying to point you to the correct direction and help educate you about school accommodations.
• Have a meeting with the education committee. This usually includes your child’s teacher(s), school counselor, psychologist, vice principal and other school specialist.
• Get familiar with the district’s rules. Review the district’s rules, so that if you have any questions or issues, you are able to use it as a reference.

Don’t forget to utilize other resources, such as counseling, social groups, and continue to educate yourself through online resources, library, or seek professional help at a mental health facility.

Reference: Barkley, Russell. (2016). Managing ADHD in School: The Best Evidence-Based Methods for Teachers. Wisconsin: PESI Publishing and Media.